TriangleArrow-Left.svgJune 2023 Issues of the Questaholic Magazine December 2023TriangleArrow-Right.svg

Questaholic - October 2023 Cover.png

Table of Contents

Letter From Your Editor

Article by Xurdones

Hoods, folks, and welcome to another issue of Questaholic!

I'll be honest, I don't quite know how to feel about this issue. Not because I think we put out a bad product - far from it! - but because there's a complicated mix of emotions going into this. On the one hand, this is Questaholic's One Hundredth Issue, which is something to celebrate! We've had some stops and starts over the years, but it's remarkable and humbling to be carrying on this tradition that started nearly twelve years ago; here's hoping for a hundred more!

On the other hand, just a month ago we learned that our long-time clan member and dear friend, 82ndairborne, had passed away. It's never easy to lose someone, especially when they've been a part of your life for as long as John was a member of the clan, and on behalf of the entire Questaholic team I'd like to offer my deepest condolences to his family. If you'd like to leave a message, share a memory, or just read more about the impact John had on this community, there's a thread on the offsite here. I'll let Choto speak more on this below, with the wonderful eulogy he's prepared as part of the Clan Council bulletin.

I don't really know how to segue from that serious topic into hyping up the magazine again, so I'm just going to comment on it and hope you forgive me the cringe. The first thing you might notice about this issue is that there's no Interview with Clannies: I wanted to do something a little different for the milestone issue, and Clan Quest's own Holly Jolly machinimaker, SantaEnds, was kind enough to revive is RSMV Review column for another hurrah. For newer readers, RSMV Review is a longstanding feature of the magazine, originating back in 2015 and recurring up until early 2019, when real-life obligations cut into Santa's ability to keep it going. I'm so happy we were able to bring back this little slice of Clan Quest history, and am immensely grateful to Santa for taking the time to contribute.

I am, of course, also grateful as ever to the diligent team of contributors who made this issue possible: Choto, Darkestnight, Derp, and Questcaping. I'd also like to take the chance to shout out some older names, who have made Questaholic into what it is today: Davidtts, who originally proposed the idea; Lizbeth, MsK, and Borizi, the early leaders; SantaEnds, the first Questaholic Necromancer (before Necromancy was cool!) and originator of the popular Interview with a Clannie segment; bronzeboi Choto, the single most committed Questaholicer we could ask for; Evilphan, who stepped up to keep the show running; and, of course, everyone who has ever contributed an article in the past hundred issues. I was initially going to just link to the statistics page and call it a day, but fuck it: we're celebrating. So, a massive "thank-you" to:

*deep breath*

1234werecool, Afkables, AlphaLeo, Anamona, Auntmidge, Borizi, Borosouro, Cabege, Cam, Choto, Cireon, Cyan Ryder, Darkestnight, Derparnieux, Diana, Diapolo10, Dirty Rain, Draziw, Evilphan, Francine1225, Gardenchick, Hemsky, iiDefend, Infinity4, Karen Angel, KatMak, Kitty, Kyratian, l33tQuest, Lady_Terelle, LizBeth, Malinoric, Miss Alaska, MsKonnan10, Nicole Angel, Ozazoyo, ProdigalGazz, Questcaping, Quester Rob, Rune Dragon, SantaEnds, Shane, Shiro_Shana, Sirapyro, Sk8r_Dan_Man, Tarpon Man, Tanis, Tohtli, Toragrai, Tyco Elf, VarangianBard, Vodka B, Wise Ork, Wolffi, Wolfie, Xenon, and Ytse.

This clan is a better place because of all of you.

I'll sign off here with my usual call-to-action: if you're interested in contributing, either as a one-off or as a recurring feature, please don't hesitate to reach out; and likewise if there's something you'd like to see more of, or less of, or some content that isn't here that you'd like to see, let me know and I'll do my best to make it happen. I'm also still looking for a regular RS3 Contributor, so if you've got Thoughts(tm) about the game that you want a place to write about, hit me up on Discord!

Enjoy the magazine!

CQ Official Logo - Shield Text Main.png
Bulletin - October 2023

Hoods, Clan Quest.

This bulletin hasn't been around for quite some time, but we figured we had more than enough to talk about with you.

82ndAirborne:


Little more than one month ago, we knew of the death of fellow clannie John, aka Dad. 82nd was part of Clan Quest for pretty much all of its existence, to the point where we aren’t sure when he was promoted to the Low Council! John was a mentor to many, especially in the old days when this Clan was full of rowdy teenagers. As we all grew up, he steadily became a legend, an unmovable force of this community. When I joined in 2015, he was one of those who encouraged me to get the Quest Cape, and the guy that gave me 99 million coins for maxing Smithing. He always did that. It took me a long time to convince him to participate in his Questaholic interview. He said he didn’t need the spotlight, and that there surely were more interesting people around. He was like that.

"Alex 43" wrote:

82ndAirborne, you won't just be missed. You'll be a reminder for everyone to cherish each other and keep themselves strong and healthy so that they themselves won't have to disappear like you did.

That’s part of a message Alex left in 82nd's Memorial. He said it better than I ever could. So long, friend.

Questaholic - October 2023 001.jpg
-82ndAirborne.


One hundred issues:


It was more than twelve years ago that Daviddts came up with the idea of this magazine. We sadly couldn’t get in touch with him for a ‘would’ve been’ great interview, but you can still learn a bit about the long story of the Questaholic, Clan Quest’s magazine in our wiki (link) Usually, when we have talked about the magazine in the past, we tend to give special credit to those who have been the Chief Editors for each of the four Questaholic runs. The truth is that there have been many contributors, 58 to be precise, who have put a bit of themselves in this collaborative project. To all of them, to all our interview ‘victims’, and to all our readers across the past decade: Thank you, and here’s to 100 more!

Questaholic - October 2023 002.png
-The Questaholic archive.

Advent 2023:


Yeah, it’s that time of the year again. The Advent Calendar has already been a thing for three years, and each edition keeps getting better and better. Do you have a recipe you’d like to share? A game you want to livestream? A chess opening you’re dying to tell us about? Aside of contributing with entries and having fun with your clanmates, Advent is also an event we use to donate to a charitable organization. You can read about past iterations here (link) The Advent Team is starting to take shape, so be sure to contact clan councillor Cireon if you want to take part in organizing and/or coordinating events.

Questaholic - October 2023 003.png
-Advent Calendar 2021's banner.


Clan Quest turns 14:


We’re less than 2 months away from Clan Quest’s birthday. Every now and then we’ve celebrated it, either in-game(s) or in Discord. Be sure to plan ahead if you would like to host a special event, be it a drop party or Jackbox! If you need help with organizing and spamming, I’m your guy. November 9, save the date. Go crazy!

Questaholic October 2023 004.jpeg
-Cabbage bombing for CQ's tenth anniversary.


Dutch is probably becoming CQ’s official language:


Real life meetings of clan members have been present ever since 2010, with RuneFest being key for getting to know each others. Post-Covid and with no RuneFest in sight though, the axis has shifted and the Netherlands has become the primordial meeting place, some have even dared say Utrecht is Clan Quest’s Capital City (*gasp*). Jokes aside (yes, I’m calling all of that a joke), these meetings have consistently been one of the best things we do. Yes, the wiki pages for them still need to be finished, but you can always ask any attendees to learn from their experience. Make sure to join us next time, you won’t regret it!

Questaholic October 2023 005.jpg
-Cireon's sugarbabies.


Phew. Well, that is all for this edition. Take care, all of you, and see you around! Unhoods.

Article by Choto 3000

RSMV Review

It’s back! Hoods and welcome to the RSMV Review – 2023 edition. Here we will cover the wonderful RSMVs that has been uploaded this year. They are in no particular order or ranking.

Take On Me by A-ha | 22 February 2023 | R0cketrock88


Done by R0cketrock88, this video was 4 years in the making. Bit by bit, he consistently worked on scenes for this masterpiece on the side while working on other RSMVs, juggling real life priorities, and making great gains on OSRS - he is maxed, and very high ranked on OSRS hiscores.

If you have watched the original music video before, you'll notice the black and white drawings are a present theme. R0cket tries his best to mix coloured scenes with black and white scenes to give contrast. He also switches between RS3 and OSRS scenes, using whichever emote style fits the lyrics best. The video is also full of group scenes, and it is definitely harder and harder to pull them off over the years, especially on OSRS - finding a group of people with multiple skillcapes, not to mention max cape, is a tall order. He also maintains a storyline on top of that. Wow.

Also, props to Blackbandwar, who has helped with rendering this monster of a video. From personal experience, he has been silently supporting many of us behind the scenes - technical support with editing software, filling in parts for MEPs, or even encouring us and hyping people up.

Mercy Me by Alkaline Trio | 1 April 2023 | Seb and Blackbandwar


Mage cape = Blackbandwar, Seb = Santa hat/Hunter cape. Over the years, I've associated Seb's videos with the 2009 era RS HD graphics. He used to record clips on FletchFX's private server which uses RS HD engine. For this video however, it was different - clips were recorded on OSRS with the HDOS third party client. HDOS is one of the clients on Jagex's official approved clients list, allowing him to use his own account to make this RSMV.

The collaboration between Seb and Blackbandwar is seamless - it wasn't just each person doing half the clip and combining the video, but rather clips have been sent back and forth, the transitions are matching the beat of the song and with the overlays, there was at least 50% more clips than the video duration.

Fighting Myself by Linkin Park | 16 July 2023 | toshero3


Together with Lost, Fighting Myself was originally recorded for the Meteora album in 2003 but was only released this year in the 20th anniversary reissue. I quite enjoy toshero's editing style - fast paced and quick transitions. I watched it a few times in 0.5x speed to enjoy all the frames. He also did this with help from Blackbandwar, and on the HDOS client.

Sera Was Never from Dragon Age: Inquisition OST | 15 July 2023 | AllyOSRS


This video was a bit of a left field one. Made as a contest entry for a convention, Ally is pretty new to the RSMV community but her uploads have been nothing but bangers. Here you can see her character performing many emotes without wearing the respective skillcapes, the character and emote choices, the picture assets and use of oculus orb and green screen make this seemingly simple looking RSMV a complex one to make. I hope to see more good stuff from Ally. It doesn't seem like she is stopping any time soon, with a grand 3 uploads this year, things are looking good.

2005 by Story of the Year | 3 June 2023 | R0cketrock88


When this video came out, I was immediately hit by nostalgia, and watched it back to back non stop on the way to work. The theme of the song, 2005, is reminiscing the band's early days, The official music video has footage of the band, both on and off stage around that period.

R0cket prefers to edit with RS3 clips, but has added OSRS and RS HD clips to fit the theme. You can see him replicating clips in 2023, of the old RSMVs - Domo Arigato and The Thong Song by Sladeakakevin, Thanks for the Memories by kangarooo25, Blow Me Away by BoomerTwins, Word Up by Luckybucket, Monkey Wrench by FatWrecked, among many others. Inserting inside RSMV references (Unregistered Hypercam 2, anyone?) and clips of his old videos. This was a treat, even more so in 2023.

Questaholic - June 2023 025.png

Article by Santa

Note from the Cover Artist

I wasn't expecting to be so emotional editing this cover together, but it really does feel like a culmination. It's a hundred issues of people coming together because they can, making something because they want to. That's such a valuable thing.

I loved looking over all the old covers for this, all the big events and in-jokes and clan life reflected in graphic design. The eternal call for contributors, and the many that have answered the call. There's even that "Final Edition" for the issue of December 2014 -- almost a decade ago, and here we are still going.

Thank you to everyone who's taken part over the years. Questaholic is emblematic of the genuine community spirit that Clan Quest has at its best, of what our collaboration can achieve. I sincerely hope it runs for many issues more.

Article by Questcaping

The Clan Quest Test Kitchen

Questaholic - October 2023 006.png

Hoods and welcome back to the Questaholic Test Kitchen! Congratulations and thanks to every contributor of the Questaholic magazine past and present for bringing us to the 100th edition! What better way to celebrate a momentous occasion by engaging in a little God Wars bakery? Today folks, we're baking... The Stone of Jas.

Questaholic - October 2023 007.png

I shan't sugar-coat this for you (bar the bake itself), but this isn't one of the easier bakes. I'm inclined to say this is rated four cabbages out of five. Celebrating was never easy!

Ingredients

Cake ingredients

  • 300g Plain Flour
  • 375g Golden Caster Sugar
  • 25g Cocoa Powder
  • 175g Butter or Margarine
  • 200g Dark Chocolate
  • 200g Buttermilk or Natural Yoghurt
  • 2 large eggs
  • Pinch of Salt
  • 1 tsp Bicarbonate of Soda
  • 100ml Boiling Water
Questaholic - October 2023 008.jpg

Icing and decorative ingredients

  • 300g Dark Chocolate
  • 150g Butter or Margarine
  • 150g Icing Sugar (Keep spare to adjust if necessary)
  • Milk (use as needed to adjust)
  • Rollable Fondant Icing
  • Edible Paint/Glitter (optional)
Questaholic - October 2023 009.jpg
  • To begin we're preheating our oven to 180 degrees Celsius/356 degrees Fahrenheit/Gas mark 4. We're making use of hemisphere tins for this bake which means the recipe will be a little variable depending on the tins you have and what the manufacturer recommends.
  • I recommend you follow any cooking guide provided with the tins first, but failing that this guide should be a decent compromise. Depending on the tins your cooking time may differ, so remember to check before turning the oven off that your sponges are cooked through!
  • Next we're mixing all our dry ingredients together; Flour, golden sugar, salt, cocoa powder, and bicarbonate of soda. Set aside dry ingredients for the moment.
Questaholic - October 2023 010.jpg
  • Next take your butter and chocolate and gently melt them over medium heat in a pan. Take time to make sure the chocolate doesn't burn as that will affect the taste.
Questaholic - October 2023 011.jpg
  • Following this we're now mixing our dry ingredients with our chocolate butter mix and the remaining wet ingredients (buttermilk, eggs, and boiling water). Mix until the batter has a consistent smooth texture. The batter should not be too thick, so feel free to add milk if you feel the texture should be slightly thinner.
  • Before we pour our cake mixture into our tins we want to make sure the sponges do not become stuck to the pans. Your tins should normally have a guide to advise you how to avoid this, but if not then I advise rubbing either a small amount of butter or oil inside the tin. Another trick is to mix butter with flour (and as this is a chocolate cake, a little cocoa as well) to create a thin slurry, and to smear this inside the tin as well. Parchment paper isn't really an option with these style tins!
  • Pour the cake mixture into the tins, and divide them equally. Give each tin a small tap against the counter to prevent air pockets.
Questaholic - October 2023 012.jpg
  • Place your tins into the oven, and allow to bake for approximately 45 minutes. I checked the cake throughout to make sure it was cooked through fully and 45 minutes was roughly what it took for these tins to bake.
  • Allow the cakes to cool before removing from the tins to reduce the chances of your cakes splitting. Carefully remove them onto a cooling rack once cool enough to handle. If there's any slight breakages then do not panic as we are carving these domes later on for the perfect shape.
Questaholic - October 2023 013.jpg
  • While the sponges cool down we can prepare our icing. Similarly to what we did earlier, we're melting our butter and chocolate together and mixing with our dry ingredients. The icing below is rather thick, and I found myself adding milk for a silkier consistency. Do use caution if you find yourself adjusting the texture though, as we do not want the icing too runny. Adding more icing sugar should remedy a thin consistency.
Questaholic - October 2023 014.jpg
  • Take your sponges and prepare for shaping. I placed a small splodge of icing onto the plate before placing the first sponge on it to help prevent it sliding about. On the flat sides of your sponges place a thin layer of icing to cement the two together, and place on top of each other. I've used a dowel to secure them further in place for icing, trim the dowel as needed.
  • Take a sharp knife and begin carving your sponges into a spherical shape. You would think that the sponges would be the perfect sphere shape already and in most cases you'd be right! But we're adding icing to this sponge and shaping it to be what a video game with a certain polygon style thinks is a sphere!Don't be afraid to make big cuts, as anything that breaks can be filled in with icing. Consider saving the cake off-cuts for later use during the decorating segment.
Questaholic - October 2023 015.jpg
  • We're now taking our icing and slathering it all over our sponge. Don't be afraid to be generous with the icing as we want full coverage of the sponge. At this stage it doesn't matter how sloppy the icing is as we're placing the sponge into the fridge afterwards to allow the icing to set. Allow the icing to set for at least an hour, and leave for longer if you feel the icing would benefit from more time in the cold.
Questaholic - October 2023 016.jpg
  • After chilling remove your cake from the fridge and begin smoothing out the icing. I use a cake scraper for this purpose but anything with a smooth surface and hard edge can be used. If you feel parts of the icing are patchy then you can do a second layer of icing and repeat before scraping.
Questaholic - October 2023 017.jpg
  • Next we're rolling out our fondant icing and cutting hexagon shapes to place onto the cake surface. You can cut the hexagons free hand or create a stencil, I found a convenient wooden thing in a hobby shop that was perfect for trimming around.
Questaholic - October 2023 018.jpg
  • Take your fondant hexagons and lightly apply water to one side to adhere it to the cake. Press down gently onto the surface, and be mindful of your placement so the hexagon pattern doesn't appear too skewwhiff.
Questaholic - October 2023 019.jpg
  • At this stage you have technically created the Stone of Jas, but what if we want more?If you've saved the cake cut-offs from earlier than you can use them to create the border that normally sits around the stone. I added a little of the icing to the cake leftovers and modelled it into a sort of sausage to wrap around the cake base.
  • Depending on which quest you remember the stone from you may find the stone has a different appearance to other in-game models. For example the Ritual of the Mahjarrat stone is icy blue, the stone featuring in While Guthix Sleeps has a plain brown base, and the stone within Dishonour Among Thieves has gold between the cracks. There's lots of room for variation here and no wrong answer as to which version you want to create. I chose to use some edible glitter paint to recreate the DAT stone for the extra burst of colour!
Questaholic - October 2023 020.jpg
  • But there you have it! By now you should have your very own Stone of Jas, ready to unleash powerful and terrifying Dragonkin upon the land with every use! Are you a False user, or a Stone Toucher?!

Thank you so much for joining me in the Clan Quest Test Kitchen this edition, if you made your own Stone of Jas then I would love nothing more than to see it for myself! A big thanks to everyone on the Questaholic team for helping us to reach 100 editions, and thank you to the readers for supporting us. Unshood for now!

Article by Darkestnight

Xurdones Reviews:
Renfield (2023)

Happy (early) Halloween, questfans! To kick off the spooky season, I've got a fresh horror-comedy for you; almost as fresh as I've ever done in this column, this is a film that only came out in...April? Strange time to release a vampire film, but whatever, we'll roll with it. Let's dive in.

The plot of Renfield is kind of a nothingburger, so we'll breeze through it: the film follows Robert Monatgue Renfield (Nicholas Hoult), who has been serving as the faithful servant of Count Dracula (Nicholas Cage) for nigh on a century - this being a world where the events of the novel Dracula never happened - which mostly means procuring his master's "meals", cleaning up the castle after vampire hunter attacks, and relocating the pair to a new abode when the heat gets too high. We pick up in now-ish New Orleans where Renfield, facing crisis of conscience, has started attending a codependency support group in search of victims - by abducting their abusers and feeding them to his master. Unfortunately his latest choice has recently stolen drugs from the local crime family, the Lobos, and Renfield's attempted abduction intersects with Lobo scion Teddy (Ben Schwartz) showing up with a hitman to deal with that. The chaos ends up dragging Renfield into the sphere of Rebecca Quincy (Awkwafina), an honest New Orleans cop with a personal vendetta against the Lobos, whose courage in the face of absolute fucked-ness prompts Renfield to stand up for himself and leave Dracula's service. Conflict ensues.

Eagle-eyed readers will notice the "codependent support group" mentioned above, which is something of an anachronistic element in a vampire movie, and that leads into one of the film's two major gimmicks: Renfield isn't really a vampire film, it's a film about getting out of an abusive relationship that uses vampirism as a metaphor. As metaphors go, it's a pretty good one - vampires do literally drain the life from their victims, after all - and the film treats it with more nuance than you'd expect. One moment that particularly stood out to me is late in the film, where Renfield admits to Rebecca that, despite his claims earlier on, Dracula didn't use any supernatural power to entice Renfield into his service: Renfield started out as an ambitious real estate lawyer in the 1800s (which is true to the original book), and all Dracula had to do was promise to make him rich. This acknowledgement that people get into abusive relationships for a reason, and that those relationships often do have genuinely positive elements which are used to justify not getting the hell out of dodge, is something you don't see a lot of in pop culture.

Where the metaphor starts falling down for me is when Renfield starts drawing on real-world techniques for dealing with codependence, which kinda don't work in his situation. Jarringly, there's a scene where Renfield shares his story at the support group (couched in euphemism, because he can't come out and say that he's a vampire's servant), and the group leader reinforces that Dracula has power because Renfield gives him power, and that power can be taken back, and challenges Renfield over what would happen if he just stops meeting "his boss's" needs. Renfield's answer is "he won't grow to full power", but the film shows Dracula gaining power perfectly well without Renfield being around - shown visually by his appearance gradually becoming more Bela Lugosi and less Nosferatu. The intended metaphorical meaning is, I think, something to the effect of "no serious negative consequences will occur, and I'll be able to devote my energy towards fulfilling my own needs", which is true enough for a normal relationship, but falls down when we're talking about an immortal vampire who explicitly plans to take over the world, and is clearly able to find willing followers to help him (given that in the third act he teams up with the Lobos, who are unironically thrilled to bits).

In fairness to the film, this dissonance might be intentional; Renfield's first share happens fairly early in the film, and Dracula goes on to demonstrate considerable power over Renfield after this, including slaughtering the support group while Renfield watches helplessly. It's not until the end of the film, when Renfield and Rebecca literally hack Dracula into tiny bits, encase the bits in concrete, and throw them in the sewer, that Renfield can actually move on with his life. So this might be a dig at well-meaning but naive social workers who spout aphorisms instead of actually trying to understand the situation. Is that giving the film too much credit? Discuss in the comments.

Even more jarring than that, however, is that the film largely ignores that Renfield is guilty of very serious crimes. The film uses the "procures victims for Dracula to eat" part of Renfield's service as part of its metaphor, equating it to people in abusive relationships becoming a worse version of themselves, but glosses over the fact that in Renfield's case "the worst version of himself" is the most prolific serial killer the world has ever known. I don't think this would grate so much, except that the film keeps drawing attention to it; that description is a direct quote, coming from Rebecca's FBI agent sister who has run a sample of (unbeknowst to them, but knownst to us) Renfield's blood through federal databases, which came back linked to decades worth of missins persons cases. Dracula himself points this out early in the film, telling Renfield that he is Renfield's only hope because of all the terrible things he's done in Dracula's service; this is played as part of Drac's manipulation (common in abusive relationships, he positions himself as the only person his victim can rely on), but it's hard to disupte when, again, we're talking about murdering dozens if not hundreds of people.

These are ultimately nitpicks, and it doesn't really ruin the film, just gives you something to complain about after watching. I do hope you still like Renfield's redemption arc, though, because it's pretty much the only string to the film's bow; there are noises that intimate subplots existing, but they all universally go nowhere. The main casualty of this is Rebecca, who is set up as having three narrative functions:

  1. She's the catalyst for Renfield's redemption, after he sees her standing up for her principles even in the face of certain death. This is the only function she reliably performs in the film
  2. She's coded as a love interest for Renfield, but this is quietly dropped after he leaves a voicemail message asking her to dinner, shortly before Dracula kills his support group and Rebecca discovers him kneeling in their viscera; even after this misunderstanding is cleared up, the topic is never brought up again. Once again this might be intentional, showing Renfield learning to define himself by himself and not by his relationships with others, but that takes a lot of legwork for the viewer
  3. She carries a subplot all her own, seeking revenge against the Lobo family after they murdered her father prior to the events of the film

That last is worth expanding on, because it entirely defines Rebecca's character, but is mostly pointless. It's established early on that Rebecca's father was a good cop who was killed by the Lobos - implicitly because he refused a bribe. Her desire for revenge is her primary - and, really, only - character motivation, and following up on leads is what leads her to Renfield's world and kicks off the plot. It's also demonstrably ruining her life; it's varying implied and stated outright that her single-minded pursuit of the Lobos, and frustration that justice isn't coming along fast enough, alienates her from her co-workers and from her family. This is something her sister, in her first (of three!) scenes, calls her on, pointing out that getting actual justice out of an organized crime syndicate requires patient and meticulous casework, which Rebecca is uninterested in.

This is a fairly meaty subplot, but it ultimately goes nowhere. We learn towards the end of the second act that Rebecca's career has stagnated because she's the only cop who isn't in the Lobo's pockets, rather than because she's an abrasive prick, and although Teddy Lobo gets his comuppance - killed by Renfield, not even by Rebecca herself! - his mother and head of the Family disappears without a trace, and everybody seems fine with this. It could perhaps be inferred that she gets arrested, after all many people are killed on her property in the climax, including the chief of police, a federal agent (though she gets brought back to life through Magic), and a couple dozen of her own enforcers, but it feels odd that nobody thinks this worth commenting on.

I should point out here that, in research, multiple resources state that the Elder Lobo is seen getting arrested in the climax; if so, I completely missed it. Some of that is on me for not paying close enough attention, but still: you'd think the resolution of the deuteragonist's primary character arc would warrant more pomp and circumstance than a single, easy-to-miss shot.

End of the day, this is an intriguing film that doesn't spend enough time developing itself to stand as much more than one clever idea...

...oh, actually; two other things worth noting. First is that I called the toxic relationship metaphor the film's "first gimmick"; the second gimmick is the violence, which is so gratuitous that Peter Jackson thinks it goes a bit far (this joke relies on remembering that Peter Jackson made his name in gross-out comedies like Meet the Feebles before pivoting to CGI-heavy tests of bladder endurance; it was very clever, and you should laugh). That's hyperbole, but not very much; even aside from the standard bloodsucking you get from any vampire film, there are no less than four extended fight scenes featuring Renfield, roided up on Dracula magic, mowing through mooks like a Benihana chef on PCP, showering the surroundings in blood and viscera. It was so extreme that the film had to be significantly digitally edited to get even a "mature" rating in certain theatrical markets (*cough* Australia *cough*). The effect is kind of novel at first, but it's so excessive that the gore loses all impact, and you start wishing the film spent more time on characters and plot rather than another ten-minute wire sequence.

The second note also functions as a retrospective editing note. See, usually I pepper these reviews with stills from the film, to break up the wall of text, illustrate points, and occasionally for jokes (for a certain definition of "joke"), but I haven't done that this time. The main reason is that it's very hard to find images of the film that feature anything other than Nicholas Cage's Dracula, who has utterly dominated the marketing. This is a shame, because although he is as fun to watch as the Cagemaster ever is, and his presence looms large over the plot, he's not actually in the film very much; if he has twenty minutes of screentime, I'd be astonished.

So there you go: this is a potato chip film, enjoyable enough in the moment but too insubstantial to devote much time to thinking about after. Certainly not worth writing eighteen hundred words about.

Wait...

Shit.

Article by Xurdones

Derp's IRL chess adventures

Hoods! For this special edition of Questaholic, I'm taking a break from chess endgames and the goings-on in professional chess. Instead, I'd like to talk about my experiences in IRL/over-the-board (OTB) chess over the past six months. First, I'll provide some context about my early experiences with chess.

My early years

Questaholic - October 2023 021.jpg

Max Euwe's "Chess for beginners" book. Max Euwe is the only Dutch Chess World Champion (1935-1937) to date. I came across this book a couple of months ago while rummaging through my parents' attic.

I've known the rules of chess since I was a kid, but I never really played seriously in those times. In all likelihood, although I don't remember this exactly, it was my older brother Bart who taught me the basics. Over the years, we would sometimes play a game or two, but they'd be few and far between. And that was pretty much the extent of my experience with chess before picking it up more seriously starting January 2021. Around this time, the chess world was experiencing an unprecented surge in popularity. The Queen's Gambit had just released on Netflix, and a great number of people across the world were stuck at home as a result of the Covid pandemic. As a result, many people (myself included) rediscovered chess. Suffice to say, I got mildly obsessed with it, and that obsession hasn't died down yet.

For roughly two years after my rediscovery of chess in early 2021, I pretty much exclusively played chess online. I've lost track of all the games I've played and the accounts I've played on (although I did close a couple of them, mostly out of tilt), but I must have played at least 10.000 games of online chess by now. Most of these games are in relatively fast time controls, sure, but that's still a hefty amount of games to look back on. Luckily, if you play that many games in a relatively short length of time, you're bound to get better eventually.

Dutch Student Chess Championship 2023

Questaholic - October 2023 022.png

From the first round of the DSCC 2023. I'm playing with the black pieces.

As I improved at the game, the urge to start playing OTB chess grew accordingly. Fortunately for me, my university has a chess club which hosts the occasional rapid or blitz tournament! In February of 2023, I joined one of these rapid tournaments. I was so incredibly nervous beforehand, afraid that my lack of OTB experience (or potential general lack of chess skill) would cost me all of my games. And as luck would have it, I lost the first two games of the tournament. However, my luck quickly turned around and I won the next four games, even beating the tournament leader in the last round to finish in second place with a final score of 4/6. Looking back, I think it was only beneficial to me that I lost my first two games; it removed all of the pressure I put on myself to perform well, causing my nerves to disappear altogether, and it made my realise that losing OTB isn't so bad after all. Every game is still a fun learning opportunity, no matter the result.

The next tournament on the calendar was the Dutch Student Chess Championship, held in Eindhoven on April 30, 2023. I had successfully convinced Shiro to join me in participating in this rapid tournament, open to all students nation-wide. I was the third seed in my group of some 60-odd students, and as such, I was hoping to do well and potentially even snag a prize. Unfortunately, the day was a bit of a rollercoaster for me. After starting with a victory in the first round, I lost my games in rounds 2 and 3 and drew my next two opponents. With a score of 2/5 headed into round 6, I was quite disappointed with my performance up to that point. However, I managed to win my last two games of the day and end on a positive score of 4/7. On the other hand, Shiro had a much better performance; he scored a massive 5/7 in the tournament and even got rewarded for his efforts with a rating prize!

Questaholic - October 2023 023.png

A happy Shiro at the prize ceremony of the DSCC 2023.

This student championship is an annual event, so I'm fully expecting us to participate again next year. It'll be my last opportunity to participate as I will be finishing my studies in 2024, so I'd better make the most of it.

OTB classical chess

Questaholic - October 2023 024.jpeg

The notation sheet for my first OTB classical game.

Last but not least, we need to talk about classical chess. As much as speed chess is fun, chess at long time controls is still regarded as the true way to measure one's chess strength. I've wanted to join a chess club and play classical chess for a very long time. The same bothersome nerves as before reared their ugly head again: is my chess ability really at a level where I wouldn't be completely pummelled into the ground by any experienced club chess player? I guess the two rapid tournaments described above, and my decent results in them, inspired me with enough confidence to finally check out a local chess club in early September. On this evening, I played my first game of classical chess ever. Me and my opponent, who was also new to the club, both started with 75 minutes on the clock, with 30 seconds added to the clock after every move. Playing with this amount of time was a pretty daunting experience; your opponent has the time to potentially punish every little mistake you make, so the pressure is really on you to avoid potential mistakes and punish your opponent's mishaps. Unfortunately for my opponent, they entered into an opening I was overly prepared for, which allowed me to win a bishop very early on in the game. My opponent managed to set up a good amount of counterplay, so converting the advantage of an extra bishop to a victory wasn't an easy process, but I managed to get it done in the end.

And that concludes my experiences with OTB chess so far! I'm happy to say that I will be becoming a member of the chess club next week, and I will be playing a weekly game of classical chess for the foreseeable future. To anyone reading this unsure of whether or not to play in an OTB tournament or join a chess club, I hope this article inspires you to give it a try. The experience can be terrifying and the nerves can be killer, but I've found OTB chess provides a sense of enjoyment, satisfaction and learning that cannot be beat by only playing chess online.

I cannot possibly not include this

Questaholic - October 2023 025.jpg

Whenever there's a meetup, there has to be a Derp vs Choto chess match. It is known.

Article by Derparnieux