Merry Christmas, Questaholics! Today I'm bringing you some thoughts on a holiday favourite, 1996's family Christmas comedy and Arnold Schwarzenegger vehicle (yes, really), Jingle All The Way. If it's been a while since you've seen it, you probably remember this film as "that one where Arnold flies a jetpack"; if you haven't seen it, then just know that it's one where Arnold flies a jetpack, so we're not exactly talking high cinema here. But there's more to this flick than meets the eye, so let's get right to it.
The film follows Arnold (his character has a name, but let’s be real: he’s Arnold Schwarzenegger), the very model of a workaholic dad; you’ve seen movies, you know what this means: he spends all of his time working, and not enough time with his wife, Liz (Rita Wilson), and son, Jamie (a pre-Star Wars Jake Lloyd). This comes to a head when he misses his son’s karate showcase, and the only way to redeem himself is to make sure Santa brings the boy an action figure of Turbo Man, his favourite superhero character. There are three problems:
- Arnie hasn't actually bought the toy yet
- It's the most popular toy of the year
- Tomorrow is Christmas Eve
Shenanigans, quite naturally, ensue. Standing in Arnie's way is a veritable army of neglectful fathers who are also hunting for an elusive Turbo Man the day before Christmas, personified by Sinbad (again, that's the actor's name and not the character's; the 90s were a weird time), who is pretty much Arnie's polar opposite: Arnie is an upper-middle-class suburbanite, Sinbad is clearly low-income; Arnie is a white-collar salesman, Sinbad is a blue-collar postal worker (who is, in fact, on the clock for most of the movie); Arnie is, shockingly, pretty reserved and low-key, and Sinbad is...well you get the idea. The film derives much comedy from juxtaposing these two very alternate personalities, and from seeing just how far each of them will go in the pursuit of a plastic doll. Spoiler alert, it's pretty damn far, and both men commit many, many crimes over the course of the day.
But the hunt for a Turbo Man doll is only symbolic of the film's real conflict, which is Arnie's fear that his inattentiveness will cost him his family. This fear is personified by their neighbour, Ted (the late, great Phil Hartman), who like Sinbad is everything Arnie isn't, just in the other direction. Ted is that guy who gets really, obnoxiously into Christmas, you know? He makes his own eggnog, goes all-out decorating his house, even rents a reindeer for the neighbourhood children to enjoy. Of course, because this is a children's movie, Ted's sensitivity and attentiveness are revealed to be a ploy, a con to help him sleep with the neighbourhood wives, and his eye is on Liz for his next conquest.
So, this movie is not good. Many of the sight gags haven't aged very well (it's very clear that it was made pre-9/11), but it struggles mostly because it can't really choose which side to land on. It's set up as a satire of the over-commercialization of the holidays, and much of the humour comes from the extreme lengths Arnie and Sinbad are willing to go to just to get this one stupid doll, but Arnie is ultimately rewarded for his pursuit. Likewise, the film never actually comments on the fact that Arnie never learned to connect with his family, which was the original problem; he spends the day before Christmas very deliberately not spending time with them, which is a win for Ted (something he actually mentions to Arnie more than once), but again is rewarded for it. It's a very confusing message.
But let me be clear: this is my favourite Christmas movie. I'm not kidding, it really, genuinely is, despite all of its flaws.
A big part of why is the way Sinbad's character is treated. Within the narrative he plays two roles, all which are extremely well-balanced:
- He's a foil for Arnie himself, a role in which he's the villain and also a source of comedy (mostly laughing at the terrible things that happen to him as punishment for his villainy)
- He's a window into Jamie's possible future, as perceived by Arnie; in this role he's a pitiable figure
The first role is pretty bog-standard children's movie villain stuff, and Sinbad is good at it, but it's not interesting to talk about. The second role is more interesting, and is highlighted in a scene in a diner where the two men, exhausted by their search for the doll, declare a temporary truce and bond over coffee, and we learn more about our villain than you normally see in a children's Christmas movie. There's a lot of fascinating depth added to his character, which I won't spoil here, but it's both unexpected and highly appreciated in an otherwise-cornball flick.
The other big reason I like this movie is because Arnie is remarkably good in it, certainly better than he has any right to be. If I can talk a little inside-baseball for a second, I've wanted to review an Arnold Schwarzenegger family comedy for a while now, ever since there was a discussion in RS3 Clan Chat about his merits as an actor, and the consensus was that he's a pretty bad one. I respectfully disagree with that opinion. Arnold isn't what you'd call an "actor-actor", somebody who can disappear into a role; he's not a Gary Oldman (who can convincingly play both Commissioner Gordon and Jean-Baptiste Emanuel Zorg). But, despite both his build and his career, Arnold is an astonishingly good comedic actor, when given the right material. He especially shines in this role (which is largely the same one he plays in both Junior and Kindergarten Cop), that of a put-upon everyman trapped in an insane situation by forces more-or-less beyond his control. He brings a remarkable amount of subtlety to the character and, but he's also ale to ham it up with the best of them when the situation calls for it.
He's kind of a joy to watch, which is an odd thing to say about the guy who got famous playing the Terminator, but there you have it.
This film has a reputation for being corny and tonally uneven. It is both of those things, and more besides, but it also has a lot of heart, some laughs, and some good, though not perfect, things to say about what's really important this holiday season. Give it a shot, it might just surprise you.
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